2008-06-29 Staying put

A year into our marriage, my husband I went to Florida with my family. I’d made this trip several times before, but it was new to Bill. He fell in love with the beach, the weather, and the palm trees and wanted us to move there.

Move? I’d thought it was a given that like most of both of our extended families we would stay put in the Aurora area, and we could take vacations to places like Florida. Family and friends spend time together and depend on each other for all kinds of things, and this is a lot easier when we live in the same area. I couldn’t imagine depriving ourselves or our families of each other, especially considering the children we were planning to have.

We agreed to stay here and take vacations to Florida, while Bill was probably kicking himself for not finding out before the wedding that he preferred to live in Florida and that I was not willing to move away. Ever.

I think it can be a great experience to live in different places and be exposed to different people and customs and climates. But I know for sure that there are numerous benefits to staying where you started out.

One of the best things about staying here is that my own children have had an ongoing relationship with their grandparents and other relatives in a way that would have been difficult or impossible if we’d moved away. Their grandparents have babysat for them, have been at their family birthday parties, have been at their school events and performances, and can make spur of the moment plans with them.

Having kids is wonderful, but it’s made even better by the fact that there are others nearby who care deeply about our family. Who else really is interested in my children’s report cards, Mother’s Day projects, class performances, and art projects? I am so glad we have others to share these with.

My mom used to say she should have written down the funny things my brother said when he was little, but she did call her mother, who lived just blocks away, and who always got a kick out of whatever he’d said or done. When my kids do or say or make something precious to me, I love being able to share this with others who appreciate it as well. Yes, I know this can be done on the phone or by sending pictures or letters, but there is no substitute for seeing each frequently.

When my older children were small they were fortunate to have two living great-grandfathers and two sets of grandparents. All of them have been included in our day-to-day lives and celebrations over the years for as long as they could. Years ago on Halloween we’d go to Naper Settlement for the Halloween Happening and then trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. Next we’d drive to visit Nonno (my mom’s dad) and then both sets of grandparents before heading home to bed exhausted and full of sugar. Everyone loved seeing the little kids in their costumes and taking pictures while we enjoyed bringing the adults a smile and seeing the other kids making the same stops.

Some go through hardships when their loved ones are far away. It can be tough in times of illness and death as well as in times of joy and birth, and just plain complicated when someone needs help. When there is a wedding, baptism, graduation party, retirement party, hospitalization, funeral or even a good-bye party for a niece or nephew going into the military, we can easily be there without making any special arrangements. Our vacation time is not used up going home to visit our family as it would if we’d moved away, and in fact, we frequently go on vacation with our family.

It has been a tremendous blessing to live near most of our family. Our lives and theirs are all the richer for it.